ely dress up 🌸

dress up!!

this is one of our biggest special interests and weve had it for as long as we can remember but also its very hard because we've lived in poverty for basically forever

elysia sitting on soft surface wearing a well put together outfit. it is wearing a large red ribbon hairclip, a black collar with an o ring with a gold cresent moon charm attached

clothes make us so happy,,, dress up and modelling do too

we are autistic and absolutely hate dressing when its for someone else. cuz then we need to think about what we're supposed to wear. but developing and caring for this special interset has helped us find fits that we love, and help us explore dress up as a self only activity. dressing purely for our own self exploration and expression.

we do still have the Autistic Trait of struggling wearing clothing and we can shut down really easily when we don't know what to wear or feel pressured to wear something we feel supposed to wear.

we really like lolita styles, basically old timey reserved style with lots of detailed and cared for fabrics. in the western world, lolita fashion seems to be weirdly associated with a french context. the only places we've found lolita clothing at have been places named Bon Bon and Atelier Jeux D'esprit. The premier lolita clothing brand, Angelic Pretty, only has stores in east asian, the united states, and france.

lolita also helps our littles sometimes.

some of us like me like it a lot more than most others in system do


how to find clothing

finding clothing can be the biggest turnoff to people for fashion.

if you've never been exposed to a style you like, or dont know how to find a style you wanna try, how are you gonna get into it?

how we build our wardrobe

i, as with i would assume most people, began caring about clothing and presentation as a teenager, and this is the point where we began expanding about our warddrobe.

in high school we wore a uniform, so fashion wasn't really a urgent neccessity. the first couple clothes we got were used clothing from our mother and an older sister, which helped us try on lots of different things very quickly! we didn't love these clothes, especially the ones from our mother, but it was an important start.

every couple of months our mother would go to thrift stores to get us new clothes we thought we would like. most of this was very basic things like leggings, sweaters, flat colour t-shirts. we appreciate her doing this for us a lot, since we really didn't have the enthusiasm to go out clothes shopping (we have autism, and get overwhelmed easily! plus! we didnt really know what we wanted!)

there was a turning point around 16 when we finally had the courage to get our own clothes physically. we think the catalyst for this was finally having enough clothes to figure out what we liked, as well as some newfound free time to just try things on and experiment without the stress of actually needing to be seen in the clothes we picked out. we would just mix and match the clothes we already had, look in the mirror, and keep track of what we did and did not like.

there are a LOT of abstract and overlapping reasons for why we might like or dislike a certain fit, and it could be hard to separate one feeling from another. for example, if we wore jeans with a shirt, and tucked the shirt in, and didn't like it, it could be because of the silhouette, the tuck, the portions, the colours, just the jeans, just the top, etc. this basically meant we needed to try something on with everything else we owned to find out if we liked it or didnt like it; we coudlnt imagine how a fit would work out before putting it on. over time, as we tried out more things, and tuned our interests and eye more heavily, we became a lot better at being able to identify things we liked quickly, without trying them on. although, there are still plenty of times where we need to try things on

and with this, we have a piece of advice we share to anyone who wants to fully transform their warddrobe. start with basic things first, and slowly identify aspects you like and aspects you dont like. use that information to inform future decisions! and experiment with what you already have. sometimes that may involve jerry rigging something together using tape our layering or pins. in addition, if you see anything you like on someone else, also try to figure out what you like and dont like about it!

now, though, we have identified at least a couple core styles, and have learned how to achieve those styles aesthetically. nowadays, shopping for clothing is typically a very consious activity, and we know exactly what we want, or a very good idea of what we want, before we go in. For example, maybe we're looking for mid length light coloured socks with specifc frills to fill in a part of our wardrobe that is lacking, or we need a v-neck tshirt that fits in a unobtrusive way and brings attention to other pieces in the fit. we will still absolutely goes clothes shopping without a plan and come home with new things, but this is usually to help other people find things they like, as like, a consultant and guide. when we do get things for ourselves, its usually since we discovered something that fits in really well for what we wanna do that we didnt expect, or it inspires us with a new idea.

when we do get clothes, it usually happenes in phases. the first phase is idenitfying interesting locations in whatever town we're in or going to, and then we go and investigate. this is really important! so many people who come to us for advice on physical clothes shopping just go to a random place and end up disapointed, since it didnt work for them. we try not to order online, because we find it a lot more boring, and since we usually enjoy the process of meeting people in person, as well as the fact that, you need to know the words for the thing you want. clothing has so many confusing and overlapping terminology and its just really annoying. it is also MUCH harder to find the cool places online than it is to find them physically.

also i lived somewhere that didn't have amazon and i got used to buying local LOL

the clothing shop meta.

there are couple of main categories of clothing stores that exist, and each have a different reason for why someone would shop there.

1. mainstream

this is the hypermarket, the big box store, the large warehouse style department stores that sell a bunch of things, as well as mainstream clothing retaillers. these clothes are typically very basic and occasionalyl feature prominent advertising. there are also general low quality garments, and carry a life expectancy with them.

mainstream stores like this are good when you need something basic quickly, or don't care about how it looks or how long it lasts. these can still absolutely used to look good in a fit, but usuually require some careful attention. these garments can also be good if you just want to wear something to fit in, but given the low quality of the garments, we'd direct someone to something that lasts longer if all they want is something to put on without thinking about it.

when we get clothes from one of these places, it is usually utilitarian, like winter clothing or undergarments. something to fill a basic need until we can get something nicer. although, we still dont typically get clothing from these places, since we usually plan out what we want before going out, and these places have very bad selection for how far we would need to travel to reach one.

2. mainstream but kinda quirky

these are places where there is a clear theme to the clothing, but still try to reach as mass market as possible. sporting clothes stores, hiking clothes stores, counterculture clothing stores (such as hot topic), popular brand name stores, Winners, etc..

these places usually sell much nicer clothing than mainstream stores. they are expensive and have a pretty hard time limit on a garment, since they often completely change out their inventory after a short period of time. the quality of garments varies a lot from place to place and item to item. usually you can find a "core" piece in one of these locations, that can hold down an entire fit regardless of what you put with it (in contrast to the more basic and general clothing from mainstream stores).

these stores are useful when you live near one and know what you want or the type of thing you want, but don't want to spend ages finding it somewhere else. they are also useful if you want to try out a radically different style from what you normally wear, and also are nice if you wanna get a dramatic primary piece to then try out with more basic clothes. because of how expensive they are and the high variability in quality, we dont think its a good idea to get a lot of clothing from these places if other options are available.

3. boutique

these are very expensive places, usually with high profile work. they feature designer clothing, haute couture brand names, and give off an air of luxury.

we haven't been to many of these places, since we used to live in a apartment over top of one, and my mother would always complain about how it doesn't sell real clothing for real people, and that stigma has stuck with us. but, given what we do know, these are generally for folks into fine art and the less mass market side of clothing.

4. thrift store/opshop/charity shop/used shop

the used store; oftentimes a small business run by a community association or charity, and oftentimes a major for profit chain store. these themselves can be broadly subdivided into smaller groups, the warehouse, the side gig, the themed, and the mutual aid. regardless of type, finding something specific in a used clothing store can be a frustrating and exhausting experience, and we usually consider thrifting or opshoppping an activity in its own right as a result.

warehouse style thrift shops are huge stores with enormous amounts of floor space. these places can be overwhelming to navigate, and often have a poorly curated selection, and requires a significant amount of time searching to find something you like. they are, however, very good for filling up a ward drobe quickly and potentially also inexpensively. i generally prefer the smaller ones of this style. price varies wildly depending on place, and i have seen some of these places still try to charge premium prices despite having a completely uncurated selection.

a lot of charities will have small used clothing selections if they run a reselling business to raise funds, which we refer to as the side gig. they usually source clothing in a similar way to warehouse stores (although perhaps with a greater emphasis on donations), but we find tend to have more interesting selection despite this. this may be because almost everyone uses the warehouse used stores, and so they are constantly having all the good shit taken. smaller used shops like charities probably get a lot less people who are looking to make a cool outfit, and so they hold onto interesting items for longer.

themed used stores can be both a blessing and a curse. they can be the most accessible way to get into a certain style, and they don't lock you into a certain brand or something. they generally carry the highest variety of Interesting shit, but they can also be incredibly boring. these also trend towards being much more epensive, and as a result often don't market themselves as used stores, since they implies the expectation of low prices.

mutual aid isn't necessarily for shopping, and oftentimes provide clothing directly in exchange for nothing. these places usually target a specific income or marginalised demographic to provide basic clothing needs. they can end up with pretty interesting stuff!

getting used clothing can be a frustrating but rewarding experience! and generally the garments are higher quality and last longer than newer clothing.

5. the hole in the wall indie shit

these places usually don't fall under the traditional lines of any of the above. they sell anywhere from new to used to handmade, and are often run by very passionate individuals. they can be collections of clothes from someone's favourite style, or be dedicated to fashion as a concept, or just really like jewels or some shit. theyre awesome.

regardless of what their theme is, or even if we have one, these are always our favourite places to get clothing. what they carry is generally high quality and well taken care of and also very thougthful and interesting. amd they fill us with a lot of joy, and are consistently what carries the best shit. and you get to meet a lot of cool people who care a lot about it as well, and we love it, and we have so many wonderful stories from these places.

from our experience, these are almost always in dense urban areas, and we consider them the gold standard for physical clothing shopping. they also feel a lot less intimidating and overwhelming and less frustrating than elsewhere!

the biggest barrier to clothes shopping is locating these places. word of mouth can help, but most folks don't really care that much or differentiate them from other types of shops. usually the best you can do is either find a fashion special interest group online that talks about things in your area, or just walk the streets and go in the places that seem cool.

in regards to quality, even the new items tend to be very painstakingly made to be good! im kinda priviledged in the sense that i like styles that were dominant in eras where high quality and well fitted clothing was the norm, as well as things that are unpopular enough to need to be hand made.

6. online

I rarely purchase clothes online and trend towards discouraging others from as well. this is because it is expensive, time consuming, and doesn't let you see how something actually fits on your body, or if it fits at all! it may also look different than in the pictures, or reflect light different than expected.

we only ever buy things online when we have some very specific in mind that we can't get locally. This is usually because it is just extremely uncommon and we don't want to keep waiting for one to show up locally, or because it is handmade and therefore will not exist near me unless i order it. we almost never look for new clothing online, because it is difficult and very time consuming. the extent we do is looking at images of other people's outfits online for inspiration.

outfit theory

one of our favourite things to do is to come up with happy ideas!

our favouritethings!

sockies

  • my cream foot tights!! theyre falling apart
  • my knee high black ribbed socks with lace trim!
  • my black foot tights! also very warm and incredibly attractive

skirts

  • grey pleated midlength skirt rules over all of us

trousers

pajamas

  • my white unicorn pajama bottoms!
  • the pink ones with the stripes!

light/lower layers

  • lace blouses in general! especially when with lil ribbons on the collar

heavy/outer layers

  • puppies and kitties dress!
  • red sword dress!
  • my mega oversized melody goth lolita sweater
  • my oversized black shirt :3

accessories!

  • our gemmed long black gloves! very good
  • our blue barette!
  • our cream beret!
  • my unicorn squeaky toy
  • my oversized black belt!
  • all of my ribbons! the ones we need to tight or the ones with clips on them! sometiems people use our ribbons for bondage its really cute on us

hair

currenlty really love full fringes! and i hate curtain bangs dearly

what we want!

desperately need better lengthed skirts and more exciting dresses (unbeatable challenge: find cute dresses in the west),, desperately need white or light coloured tights or stocking or tall socks or really it doesnt matter why is it so fucking hard to find these

jsks

god,,,,

cream and brown and pink and white jsks and blouses :pleading

i want them so badly😭

our favourite spots!!

  • dangerfield

    basically, oceania hot topic, but more heavily focused on just clothing, without brand tie ins. only clothes shop we've found on this continent that carries good stuff

  • bon bons

    this is the only shop in the world we've found that we've found lolita clothing from. it also has really awesome owner that we like

    and is super queer in a otherwise conservative place. their changing rooms are themed after trolls and clouds and its so cool. also they have a fake cow print ceiling. loads of our favourite skirts are from here. so cool